On this particuar Sunday, worship service ran a bit long, and I had a ton of things to do to get ready for work the next morning. My internal conflict showed on my face. As I made my way out of the sanctuary, a church sister said, "Are you okay, you look worried" I explained that this was the day I usually drove from Connecticut to visit my parents in Massachusetts but I had a lot more than usual to do to prepare for work the next day. I was a member of what social scientists were calling "The Sandwich Generation." A parent, and grandparent myself, I was also a daughter of parents in their Third Act. Since relocating, I made visits with them a part of my Sunday ritual. Entering their eighties, my parents enjoyed independent, active and healthy lives. But greater awareness of my own aging process, and the fact that many of my friends no longer had their parents, instilled a deeper appreciation for them and our time together.
"Chile, you know you better go see your parents," my church sister said. They have since passed away. As I advance on my own path in the cycle of life, I'd give anything to sit with them one more time. And as the world speeds up and demands increase, my mind returns to the wise advice from my friend after church service that day.
Unfortunately, it's becoming even easier for people to get swallowed by the hecticism of demanding schedules, moving like robots from one task to another. Technology, which has made some things easier, has also added to the noise and distractions. In the midst of the chaos and busy-ness, it is crucial not to lose sight of the value of spending quality time with our parents, if we're blessed to have them around, other elders in our families, and our communities. Despite our culture's obsession with youth, which often portrays aging negatively and the increasing elderly population as a burden, now is not the time for alienation or abandonment.
Aging by the Numbers
Currently, there are over 46 million older adults aged 65 and above residing in the United States, according to U.S. Census and other reports. With the GenXers (now in their 40s and 50s) joining the elder fold, it is anticipated that in the next 25 years, this figure will soar to nearly 90 million. The period between 2020 and 2030, when the last of the baby boom (my) generation will turn 65, is expected we will witness a whopping increase of close to 18 million older adults. It is projected that by 2030, one out of every five Americans will be 65 years old or older. That sure is a lot of old folks. It's also the Fort Knox of wisdom.
That sure is a lot of old folks. It's also the Fort Knox of wisdom.
Cherishing Wisdom
Being able to spend valuable time with my parents and even their friends blessed me in ways that I am still cherising. I learned so much from them going into my fifties. They were living witnesses and participants in major historical events that I only knew through textbooks. The same holds true for the new wave of elders. We, too, are living archives of knowledge and experience. Our stories, life lessons, and wisdom are invaluable treasures that can enrich the lives of the younger people in our lives. I understand now what an honor it is to have younger people show an interest in their elders' experiences. It's a beautiful exchange when individuals from different generations are able to engage in life-affirming conversations that value time-earned wisdom, insights, and knowledge. When I listened to, and supported my parents, I thought I was caring for them. But they were caring for me.
Being Present
In a world filled with distractions and noise, the simple act of being present with your elders is good for their soul and your's too. Putting away electronic devices, silencing your notifications, and giving them your undivided attention, shows elders respect while encouraging old-fashioned listening skills and the spiritual practices of presence and stillness. In honoring elders and showing them they are valued and loved, we learn to be fully present in the moment. My father was a reserved and a somewhat stoic man. My mother, who was the talker, would encourage me to sit with him in their living room, instead of at the kitchen table chatting away with her as she busied herself with dinner preparation. I understand now that in her wisdom she saw the value of non-verbal communication and my spending bonding time with my father. Sometimes, we watched a show together in silence. Sometimes, we listened to music. Sometimes, he shared aspects of his life I had never heard before. Many times, sitting and being present are all that matters.
Cultivating Empathy
Spending time with elders nurtures our capacity for empathy and compassion. Listening to their stories of triumphs and challenges, can cultivate a deeper understanding of the human experience and ourselves. My parents, my dad in particular, opened up more and told stories that underscored their vulnerabilities and insecurities. A veteran of WWII and the Korean War, my dad began to share stories he had never spoken of before in their haunting detail. As my compassion for him deepened, it extended beyond our interactions. Learning to see life through someone else's eyes permeates our relationships with people of all ages. I was learning about aging and how to age from my parents. The lessons taught me to be more patient and considerate of older adults moving slow in the aisles of the supermarket or driving slow on the road. In a world where everyone seems to be in a rush, taking time to cultivate empathy, compassion, and patience is more important than ever.
Creating Cherised Memories
The moments spent with our elders are precious and irreplaceable. Whether it's sharing a meal, playing games, or simply sitting together in silence, as I often did with my dad, these experiences create lasting memories that we carry with us forever. These shared memories strengthen family bonds and serve as a foundation of love and support in times of need.
Embracing the Journey Together
Spending time with elders is not just about giving back; it's a reciprocal relationship where both parties benefit and grow. As I said before, I see now that I was being cared for as much as I was giving care. When you invest in these meaningful connections, you are sowing the seeds for a future filled with love, understanding, and cherished memories. These memories bring joy, comfort, and inspiration to our lives as we continue to make new memories.
Bringing It all Together
It's not necessarily about the amount of time you spend with elders but the quality of the interactions. You can make each moment count by actively listening, asking questions, and showing genuine interest. Like my friend told me all those years ago, make that visit, place that phone call, and embrace the opportunity to spend quality time with your elders.
The moments you share today will become the cherished memories of tomorrow. The dirty dishes, unanswered emails, and text messages from work? They will all be forgotten.
Comments